In my home office there is a cork board on the wall next to the little antique table. It is the host to anything and everything from the post card sized flyers advertising the trunk show I did last summer, the certificate I got for raising money for children with muscular dystrophy, to one of four dresses that I’d wear for my wedding, the program from The Vagina Monologues that I organized this past spring, and a sign that reads “If you are lucky enough to find a way to life you love, you have to find the courage to live it”- John Irving. Those words resonated with me when I first came across them on Pinterest months ago and they resonated with me again as I sat at my computer debating whether or not I start writing down the ideas I have for a project that when I think about it excites me and freaks me out. I’d been keeping track of the ideas on a mental post it, but well, there is something to said for writing things down. I suppose it makes it a little more real, even if only you and your computer screen know the idea exist.
As I started writing my ideas and the vision for the project I repeated the words “If you are lucky enough to find a way to life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.” “I think I found it.” I told myself. “If this is what I was doing every single day until I died, whether I got to wear the gown on the cork board or not, it would be away of life that I love.”
How did I come to that conclusion exactly? A variety of ways. There was the business that didn’t quite go as planned. It only captured a part of what I now realize is “the way of life I love.”There was the cycle of burnout from forcing myself to enjoy jobs that only incorporated a fraction of what this project would completely be about. Then there was the excitement I got when I talked about various things I now hope to incorporate in the project to anyone and everyone. Recently the police officer at my university asked me a question about topic related to the project and I took it as a green light to talk 300 miles a minute about it. It was evident by his face that I was really passionate and he totally didn’t expect such passion or such a detailed response. There was the ridiculous joy, a downright giddiness, I got when I attending conferences and networking events related to the topic I intend to incorporate in my project. Perhaps the most important way however was the discontentment I was feeling and the pull that I kept feeling to see just how I could create the contentment, the life, I was seeking. After a variety of searches and attempts to LIVE my dream via someone else’s employment or volunteer opportunity it actually became quite clear that which I sought I was going to have to create.
Can I just say I wasn’t really a fan? I had done that before with the business and that didn’t work out so great. Granted all kinds of lessons learned. Things I’d never ever do again, things I would totally do again, and things I’d want to learn to do. You know what I was less a fan of however? The undeniable no longer coverable misery I was experiencing by not pursuing the project.
Here’s what I’m learning- you’ve got to keep seeking that which you know to be the true authentic way of LIVE-ing. You will know, because it won’t let you settle. Anything and everything else will feel mediocre because it is. At best any and everything else will be a rest stop on your journey for the simply sought after life. They will be opportunities to push you closer and closer toward that which you seek and just need the courage to LIVE.
When I initially shyed away from putting thoughts about the project to paper I reminded myself of this blog. It was anything but easy to start in part because I had started ans stopped like um oh about nine blogs. Yeah. So I didn’t have great track record. Not to mention on previous blogs I struggled to put out something weekly let alone 5 days a week. But here I am, almost 100 post up, posting 5 days a week, and enjoying it. There are days when I am exhausted and the thought of doing something on this blog makes me smile ad gives me the energy and creativity to get it done. I think the other blogs were mere rest stops to this one and to be honest, this blog is the first blog that is authentically Ahyana King.
This week I just want to encourage you to keep seeking. There is a Bible verse I’ve been keeping close to my heart lately and that’s been “Seek and you will find.” I know that everyone reading this is a Christian, but I am convinced that seeking and finding is something we can all experience if we in fact seek. And if you’re really feeling LIVEly this week, I want to encourage you to seek with your whole heart. I stated above the thought of the project excites and scares me. It’s that combination that makes me all the more determined to seek out how to bring this project into fruition. If you’re going to bother to seek, seek with your whole heart.