The Simply Released Life

Photo courtesy of Steve Miesel for Vogue Italia

“Perhaps we’ll have a funeral. Oh, yes, and I will wear all black, maybe the new black maxi dress.”I though to myself. I was on the elliptical in the gym, looking out at the gorgeous green being wooed by both sunshine and gentle breezes. It was my last day in Seattle and my first time in the fitness center. A morning walk up and down the hilled emerald city’s streets weren’t going to help me release my frustration courtesy of a conversation I had that morning. 

“Or I could wear the short black dress with the drop waste. And, I wish I had a hat. Ooo, with a veil.” I continued in my thoughts. Because even in sadness fashion somehow matters right? Not really. But I thought it would help with the process I needed to engage in of letting go of some things. I am going to ask for a funeral. I am going to email my counselor and tell her I need to do so something physical as a means of letting go of some things, of stripping them of their life since they were stripping me of mine. 

Photo courtesy of Steve Miesel for Vogue Italia

I would write down everything and everyone that I needed to let go of. I would even write them to look like tombstones. And then I would bury them. I pictured myself digging up dirt and burying the paper tombstones of things and people I needed to be finished with. Then I pictured myself digging them up. That’s the thing with burying things at some point you could dig it up. I didn’t want to dig anything up. I didn’t want the ability to dig anything up. I wanted to let things go. 

The machine stopped abruptly jolting me out of my faux funeral plans. The screen told me to prepare to go in the opposite direction. And so as my legs pushed in the opposite direction my mind did too. “A release party!,” I thought. What if I had a release party?! I’d get helium filled balloons, write what or who I needed to release on them, and release them into the air. I would wear a cute party dress and sandals. I would maybe wear heels, and have cupcakes and sparkling lemonade. I would celebrate letting go of things that have been hard to let go of but we’re necessary to let go of. So I told my counselor we were going to have a release party. 

Photo courtesy of Max Wanger Photography

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to rid our minds of things it takes a physical action to truly free us. Sometimes the physical action is saying a phrase or mantra aloud. Sometimes it’s writing affirmations and then reading them aloud. Sometimes it’s creating a ritual to help transition, like showering as soon as you get home from work to wash away the day and embrace your evening. I did this often when I worked primarily with trauma survivors. The physical coupled with the mental is powerful. Mostly I would assert because it helps us to put that which bothers, hurts, frustrates, disappoints, angers, worries, or scares us, out there. It strips those things of the power they hold over our lives when they live rent free and shame dependent in our minds. We see it for what it is and we realize often through those physical acts how unhealthy and life draining they are the we will do almost anything to release them. We  see the toxicity and we deny it’s dweling in our lives any longer. 

I must admit by the time we get to doing some type of physical activity or ritual to release it usually means those things we need to kick to the curb should have been kicked to the curb. It usually means we knew a while back that Tyrone or Tanya weren’t healthy additions to our lives, our eating habits and refusal to exercise were out of control before we gained 17 pounds let alone what is now 75, or that the complements were never compliments and were always sexual harassment. However some part of ourselves found comfort in Tyrone or Tanya, late night binge eating and finding any excuse to not wear the sports bra tat will highlight our back fat and send us back into the arms of Ben and Jerry,  or the attention from the colleague or supervisor. But last I checked comfort like this leads to mediocrity and mediocrity is the antithesis of LIVE-ing.  

Photo courtesy of “We Like To Party”  Production Team

Don’t get me wrong, I get it. I honestly do. I mean I am the one having a release party cause I’ve got quite a few things that I can see I have practically mangled because I have held to them so tightly. While they have taught me lessons and spurred growth, they no longer serve a purpose in my life and I need to release them. Not bury them, but let them take flight right on out of my LIVE centered, purpose filled, made for more, abundant, life. 

My hope for you this week is maybe just maybe you will think of a few things it’s time for you to release. Maybe it’s words spoken to you as a child hat you have carried with you, maybe it’s a failed relationship, maybe it’s a fear of being in a relationship. Maybe it’s disappointment, guilt, anxiety, unforgiveness, or betrayal. Whatever is cheating you from you being the best version of you are the things, relationships, and people you  want to release. As you release it, it releases you.

I will keep you posted on the date of the release party. I’ll even take picks and share some of the things I will be releasing. And if you follow me on twitter @AhyanaJenise and look for #releasepartyLIVE, I’ll let you know when my party is and you can totally attend. You can release some things from your life the same time I am. Or, you can have your own #releasepartyLIVE and keep me posted on how it goes. 

Photo courtesy of Tuck and Bonte on

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