The Simply "Little Decision" Life

Photo courtesy of Marie
There wasn’t a better way for me to spend the evening than with a freshly delivered gluten free cheese pizza, glass of white wine, and watching Sex and the City the movie for the umpteenth time. I love the film for so many reasons, but the scene that’s been on repeat in light of a series of events this week is a scene where Carrie calls Samantha to tell her that she and Big were getting married. She starts the conversation by saying “I made a little decision.”

I was talking with one of my closest friends from back east, editing a presentation for a workshop I was leading in a few days, and noticed the size 4 font white words ticker across my screen ” I put in my two weeks today.” My colleague made a “little decision.”

I sat at the white linen covered oval table. I was late and got to slide into the mahogany leather chair right next to my boss. The team was still sharing what was on the forefront of their minds, and it ranged from the start of an on campus student conference to my colleague’s “little decision” to folks feeling overwhelmed and under supported. I shared I was glad the weekend was coming. I was tired and yet looked forward to presenting at the student conference my fellow teammate was helping organize.
Photo courtesy of Pussycat as pinned on Pinterest

We started to launch into the rest of the business of the team meeting when yet another colleague made a “little decision” to pump the breaks and honor the heartbreak, anger, disillusionment, disappointment, and hurt lingering in the room. It was a bold move. She wasn’t the boss. But it worked. We sat in that room and further discussed the wounds, wounds that were gushing and heading since bled through the Barbie and GI Joe band-aids in it applied.

When it was my turn to speak. I made a “little decision.” I would only tell my truth. I would only speak from my experience, my pain, the trauma of my start, the unacceptable things that occurred, the brokenness that lingers, the sadness of those I serve, the burdens of those I serve, and my knowing that things as they are weren’t sustainable for me. “I love me too much.” I shared and had decided to treat myself in the loving way I deserved. That I loved myself too much to stay in a system where change occurs when people resign, where people who are different are overlooked and left to meet their own needs, where the length of change is used as an excuse not to change.

I had spoken more in that meeting than I had all year. I could see the sadness and surprise on the faces of my colleague’s. Except for one. The one leaving. She smiled. I like to think it was because she knew that my “little decision” to talk was a much larger decision to be all that I was created to be and not settle for relationships or environments that offered anything less. She knew that in all the pain of the last several months I was becoming the best version of me, the version I would often escape to San Francisco to rendezvous with. And because that came at a cost, costs to lengthy to share in this post, there was no way I would give it up.

Photo courtesy of Marie Claire US, September 2010

Honestly, I don’t know if there are little decisions. Heck I don’t know if there are big decisions. Those are a matter of perspective. There are decisions however. Our lives are full of them and I absolutely and have learned not to take our ability to make them for granted. To not take the power, authority, and ownership of our ability to create purpose filled abundant lives via decision after decision for granted. It’s tempting. It’s so easy to think that save what we wear, who we sleep with, whether we pay for a job, what’s for dinner, and are we more of a dog person or gold fish person, we don’t decide, that life happens and we get in where someone let’s us fit in. But nothing’s further from the truth.

Even as a Christian, I get to make decisions. My life is not at the whim of my God. And, I like that.

I just want to encourage you to decide. Make up your mind. Marry Big, quit your job, announce you don’t know when but that this won’t work for the  long haul, cut your hair, keep the baby even though it will be “hard”, have the surgery, move half way across the globe, say no to the proposal, turn down the promotion, report your company’s unethical behavior, etc. Yes I know the decision has outcomes. That’s how decisions work.  However, I have noticed the pain and challenges of those decisions in the long run pale in comparison to the decision to just maintain, stick it out, hope for better but not act to actualize the hope.

I am ridiculously proud of my colleague who chose to resign, who chose her, her self worth, her foamy, her vision, to walk away…even without another opportunity lined up. I am proud that her “little decision” is a part of a larger decision to live an abundant life and not settle for anything less, regardless of how hard or how it may not make sense to folks. May you and I both borrow from her strength, courage, and belief this week and make decisions that make us people who live incredibly victoriously and emphatically. 

Photo courtesy of Dynamic as pinned on Pinterest

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