A couple weeks ago I got asked to guest write for an online community I am a part of. To say I was excited is an absolute understatement. As soon as I scanned the closing of the email I clicked reply and rushed through the salutation to simply say “Yes!” I was all in.
Friday I received the promised email with follow up guidelines for my write up. You know, the remembering the audience, and the word limit, and using my voice. And there was a great little reminder to not right from a point of achievement, or having perfected, but to write from the point of the process, of being in the process, of not quite having it figured out, but definitely having learned some things. “Got it,” I told myself. I opened a new word document, and all I could think of was sharing moments of mastery. Every example that came immediately to mind was steeped in “I did it so you can to.” I had a mental collage of 20/20 hindsight, despite being asked to write more so from oh I don’t know say 11/17 real life going through the process I am such a, you are such a, we are such humans point of view. I did what any good writer would do. Opened a new word document and then started on another writing project. I told myself I had plenty of time to ease into writing from the process, talking about the progress, and staying hopeful about what I desire to be the end product.
We are 18 sometimes really grey and cold other times sunny and one layer of clothes days into the new year. I am 18 sometimes really grey and cold other times sunny and one layer of clothes days into choosing to go all in on the things that really matter to me, the things that I would say are deeply connected to my purpose. And let me tell you boo boo, I’ve already had the tears, and the whiney prayers, and the not feeling like it’s, and the continual realizing that all is a lot. Like a lot. Like there is no half all, or 25% all. All is all. Yet what I am accepting in this commitment to go all in, trusting that it will yield a fulfillment that I’ve desired for a long time but have either felt unworthy of or afraid to wholeheartedly pursue, is that part of going all in is the process.
There is going all in that can be scary and exciting because we have an idea of what the outcome of such vulnerable valor will produce. Then there is going all in that is just scary and frustrating because you quickly realize the reality of the process of pursuing that outcome.
Last week I shared that going all in takes us knowing ourselves. The week prior I shared it takes crazy and courage. This week I’m going to say it all takes reintroducing ourselves to our traveling companion- process. Process will not be going anywhere on our journey of going after the life we believe we were meant to live with all that we have. In fact I am willing to say that process will routinely reveal to us all that we have to use to go after all we desire to be. There’s no point in shooing process away, trying to wait her out, putting her on Craigslist for sale. Nope, she is in it to win it, that is, if we are in it to win it.
I’m not nearly as anti process as I used to be. Seriously, I was the founder of Anti-process Anonymous. Yet there are times when I know that because I have been through what has seemed like either too many processes or one ridiculously long one, I’m over it. I want to write from the perspective of having made it, conquered something, finished, complete, wholeness. Even typing the last word, wholeness, there is a deeper level of resignation. I want to share from a place of wholeness. Yet to achieve wholeness…there’s a process. I bet you knew I was going to say that already.
To LIVE well takes a commitment to go all the way. To go all the way means accepting the process (even the fear and frustration) as well as figuring life out from the point of process. For me currently it’s being okay with talking about (or writing from) the point of process. Plus, process doesn’t mean there won’t be an end product. That’s pretty encouraging. 😉