Cause Life Is Not A Rough Draft- Just Some Of The Circumstances


Photo courtesy of Urbana 

I am a sucker for a good story. My friends are too. When we gather, whether face to face or via a phone or skype date, they can count on me having a good story to share and life has rarely ever allowed me to leave them disappointed.  And, I’d be lying if I didn’t share, I kinda like being the one they can always count on for a great story. Now, I d o not, I repeat, I do not go out in hunt of a good story. I promise.  The stories find me. It’s like this weird “she likes stories” LoJack thing going on. The stories find me, I readily surrender, and it’s a done deal.


So, in true perhaps subconsciously asked for gift from the universe to  Ahyana King form, there was no way I was leaving Buffalo to move back to Philadelphia this past week, without a story. And honestly, maybe at this point, the creme de la creme of stories.  Now, I’m not going to give you the story right now. I know. You feel  led on and want to go read some other blog right at this point. I don’t blame you. But, do me a favor? Hang in there. I am going somewhere with this whole story thing.  However, as great as the story is, what I realized, as I laid in bed in my sweet hotel room in DC on my impromptu girls trip get away, staring at the beautiful brick rooftop patio on the hotel across the now quiet street from our hotel, was there is having a story to tell about someone or something and then there is wanting someone or something to be a part of your story. I had met someone who I want to be a part of my story- it’s a choice, it’s my right to edit and add, as opposed to edit and delete. It’s a pot twist with a yes and and not a no, not today, not ever.

When I write,  I remind myself to tell the story that is mine to tell.  I am reminded that I have ownership, and with that comes responsibility for sure, but also freedom. I am free to create distance between what is happening and what I am creating in my life, or to move closer with curiosity or caution (sometimes both), compassion, and commitment, because it is my story, my life, and I am not victim to cosmic happenstance.  You are not victim to cosmic happenstance.


Photo courtesy of The

I know. You read that and maybe you are tempted to roll your eyes. Maybe you succumb to your temptation. It’s cool. You’re probably thinking that there is a lot in life that has “happened” to you legitimately through no fault of your own. I hear you boo. I didn’t ask to be born with any of the social identities I have, especially the ones that have incurred pain and oppression (cause make no mistake, I heart my social identities even if others don’t), and neither did you.  I realize that you didn’t ask for the life changing diagnosis, the fertility challenges, the layoff, the death, car accident, flood, wildfire, earthquake, or to live in a country with corrupt leadership and years upon years of ethnic wars and genocide.  Those things write themselves into our stories.

However, we get to choose the impact and role they play in our life stories. Every incident doesn’t need to be the climax. We can choose if the circumstance serves as context for our stories, giving understanding to our sensitivities, passions, and decisions. The story can be, we are unable to have children. Or it can be, because we were unable to have children, we decided to adopt, and to adopt children with special needs, because we learned that children with special needs are not as readily adopted as children without them. We can decide that because we witnessed government corruption, we will run for office, engage in community mobilizing, or be like my rockstar friend lola Adele-Oso and start organizations like Act4Accountabilty that work to hold governments more accountable for their actions or lack of action.

We are still the chief editors of our stories even when life decides to author a chapter of it here and there. We still get to choose if it is just a story or we want to integrate it into our story- if we want to own it or let it own us.  I have to tell you, when you chose the latter- integrating it into your storm, it’s a bit vulnerable, yet super empowering.

My hope for you this week is that you choose your story versus a story. That you move closer to your current circumstances, perhaps with caution, and edit as you need. Just make sure you realize that editing is not always about subtracting. Sometimes it’s substituting and sometimes it’s adding or multiplying. Engage in your life this week, and as much as your mind, spirit, and body can manage (self care is important and for some of you, your story right now is begging for some deleting), be all in, show all the way up, linger, talk it out, work it out, shoot, dance and sing it out.  Get all up in in you and all that you are and do this week. Get all up in the bed time story with your little one because you really do enjoy parenting and time with them. Get all up in their soccer game, all up in the person trying to get to know you better at their soccer game (unless you are already with a partner- please don’t be flirting and cheating and then trying to say I told you to “be all in” and you want to “add to your story”). Focus at the meeting and when the numbers or idea doesn’t make sense, carefully craft and ask your questions or pitch your alternatives at the appropriate time. Get all up in the research to start your new business, even if the last two didn’t go as well. Everybody who has a business didn’t hit it out the park on the first swing.  Get thee to that weight-watchers meeting and figure out this diet and exercise thing, so you can create the shift you want, for the level of health you want (or your doctor says you need). Remember, life in it’s entirety is not a rough draft, just some of the circumstances. My hope for you this week, is really what it has been since this blog was launched four-ish years ago- that you live, and when your story comes to a close, those who read it will know you wrote your story and not a story. xxoo

2015 Dylan & Ceara LA

Photo courtesy of Tomas x

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